WASHINGTON, D.C. — In celebration of the 250th anniversary of America’s independence, President Donald Trump’s administration announced on Monday that it plans to blow up the Thomas Jefferson Memorial.
The obliteration of the cherished national memorial is part of Trump’s larger “Freedom 250” initiative, which also includes a UFC fight and a concert by Vanilla Ice, the young people’s favorite.
At a press conference on Thursday, White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt said that the controlled demolition of the Jefferson Memorial would serve as the capstone to the Freedom 250 celebrations.
“Since opening to the public in 1943, the Jefferson Memorial has inspired millions of visitors,” Leavitt said. “As the principal author of the Declaration of Independence, Thomas Jefferson is the reason we’re able to celebrate the anniversary of our nation, and President Trump can think of no finer way to honor this esteemed Founding Father than by blowing up his solemn memorial.”
Leavitt said that the explosion will take place at 9 PM sharp on July 4, 2026. It will be achieved through a combination of dynamite affixed to the Memorial’s Georgia marble walls and portico columns, along with a small quantity of C4 plastic explosives that will be fashioned into a sort of “necklace” for the 19 foot tall bronze statue of Jefferson that serves as the Memorial’s centerpiece.
“Our engineers are confident that the C4 will cause the statue’s head to pop through the top of the dome like a champagne cork,” Leavitt explained.
According to Leavitt, the administration’s plans surrounding the Jefferson Memorial have evolved over time.
“The original idea was simply to rename the memorial and renovate it to modern standards,” Leavitt said. “President Trump picked the name himself. It was to be rechristened ‘The President Donald J. Trump Memorial, and It’s Also for That Guy, What’s His Name, Big Jeff Powderwig.’”
In terms of renovations, Leavitt said, the Jefferson Memorial has long been in need of serious work.
“There isn’t a single gold wall sconce or trim piece,” she said. “I don’t mean to insult the architects and designers who gave life to this cherished national memorial, but it looks like a hobo’s tomb.”
However, Leavitt said, for the purposes of efficiency, the larger plans for the memorial were scrapped.
“We figured some activist judge would say that the President couldn’t add his name to the memorial or add any gold accents,” Leavitt said, “but by that point we would have already gutted the place and we’d just have to destroy it anyway, so we figured, why not cut out the middle man and just blow it up?”
The Jefferson Memorial is just one of several cultural institutions that Trump has renovated/destroyed, Leavitt said, including the White House East Wing, The John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, and The U.S. Department of Justice.
Following the detonation of the explosives, Leavitt said, Trump plans to entertain the audience with a three-hour speech containing up to one coherent thought.
“Spoiler alert: it may have something to do with how ketchup packets should be bigger because it takes like five of them to have enough ketchup for your fries,” Leavitt teased.
In response to Leavitt’s announcement, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer said that after speaking to the Baileys, the imaginary couple he invented who represent middle America, he is strongly considering the formation of a subcommittee to discuss the logistics of sending Trump a strongly worded letter asking him to please not blow up the Jefferson Memorial.
