Last year, Florida Gov. Ron “The Form of the Destructor” DeSantis signed legislation prohibiting any school instruction that could make students feel responsibility, guilt, or anguish for what other members of their race did in the past.
As a result, a report recently surfaced that textbook publisher Studies Weekly, in an attempt to adhere to the law, drafted a textbook that told the story of Rosa Parks without ever mentioning her race, which many would consider an integral piece of context.
While the Florida Department of Education informed Studies Weekly that they had perhaps taken a step too far in sanitizing their history lessons, one can easily understand why the publisher chose to play it safe. Considering that Florida Republicans just introduced legislation that would ban Florida colleges and universities from running programs that promote diversity and inclusion, it seems Florida isn’t too keen on the fact that other races keep having the audacity to exist.
However, we’re not out of the woods yet. While visiting Florida recently, I decided to visit the birthplace of Gov. Ron DeSantis. Once I arrived at the landfill, I stumbled across a discarded textbook proof. Titled “History for Floridians: From Our Constantly Changing Past to Our Unavoidable Future,” this volume offered up some very interesting interpretations of our nation’s recent history. I will share a few choice excerpts:
ON DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.
As a child, Dr. Martin Luther King dreamed of growing up to give famous speeches that would have pull quotes suitable for posters and desktop page-a-day calendars. His most famous speech was about a dream he had once. In that speech, he said the following:
“I have a dream that one day down in Alabama with its … governor … right down in Alabama … little … boys and … girls will be able to join hands with little … boys and … girls as sisters and brothers. I have a dream today.”
Dr. King went on to say that he hoped to one day hear freedom ring!
“When we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children … Protestants … will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old … (song): Free at last.”
It was an amazing speech. Tragically, Dr. King would die just a few years later somehow.
ON ROSA PARKS
One day, Rosa Parks was on a bus when the bus driver asked her to move so another person could sit in her seat. She refused. Today, we look back on Rosa Parks as a hero to people who enjoy sitting.
ON THE KU KLUX KLAN
A peaceful group of equestrian bedsheet enthusiasts, the flowing robes of the Ku Klux Klan may look like dresses, but they’re different because a man wearing a dress is a sin. Members of the KKK often build lowercase t’s, which is shorthand for the word “tolerance.” They set these lowercase t’s on fire to better draw attention to them.
ON HARRIET TUBMAN
Harriet Tubman was a famous train conductor. Yeah, that’s the ticket.
ON GEORGE WALLACE
George Wallace is a very funny comedian. We are unaware of anyone else named George Wallace, and we will remain unaware of any other George Wallace now, tomorrow, and forever.
ON RUBY BRIDGES
On Nov. 14, 1960, a little girl named Ruby Bridges went to school. That’s pretty much it.
In Birmingham, Alabama in the spring of 1963, a bunch of people decided it was nice weather for a pleasant stroll. The Birmingham Police Department decided it was a little warm out, so they playfully sprayed the folks with hoses to help cool them down. The police also let them play with some dogs. What a wonderful time they all had!
ON MALCOLM X
Malcolm X was … uh … HEY, LOOK OVER THERE!