DONALD TRUMP
Remember the proton accelerators, folks? Having proton — my uncle was a professor at MIT, very smart, good genes, and he told me all about the protons. Nobody understands the protons better than I do. Ten years ago, no one had ever heard of a proton, the power that … and ghosts HATE the protons, let me tell you. Egon Spengler comes up to me, a great man, tears in his eyes, and he says, “Sir, sir, how do you know so much about the protons? I invented the protons and you know more!” But Biden loves the ghosts. He’s let a billion ghosts into this country. I would never do that with the ghosts. I was there when Walter Peck shut down the containment unit, folks. Biden was there, he was cheering. He was cheering the ghosts!
JOE BIDEN
The idea that … look, the containment unit, they should have shut … shouldn’t have shut it down. But the EPA … President Nixon, that was the best thing he did. The containment unit was dangerous, but I was not for releasing the ghosts. Period.
TRUMP
He loves the ghosts. He’s giving the ghosts the jobs that should belong to angels. And the terror dogs! Remember when the dog came out of the lady’s refrigerator? Remember that, folks? Biggest dog I’ve ever seen, anyone’s ever seen. It goes to the nerd’s apartment and ruins his party. The nerd says he’s writing the party off as a promotional expense, he invited his clients. People laughed, can you believe it? He was smart. But the dog, he loves the dog, and the green one too.
BIDEN
I didn’t … the idea … I supported Peter Venkman busting the green ghost. It was, the hotel, he had too. He gets on the radio, “It’s looking at me, Jack.” He gets slimed. I grew up sitting around the kitchen table, and when people, with the grocery prices, they don’t want to get slimed. We’re going to fix that, or we did.
TRUMP
He loves the terror dog folks, everyone knows he loves the terror dog. And what the terror dog did to the nerd, can you believe it? Attacked him right in front of Tavern on the Green, beautiful New York City restaurant. Nobody did anything. Under Biden, folks, we had 400 million people get attacked by the terror dog just last year. He let it happen.
BIDEN
That’s more people than … look, here’s the deal. Gozer the Traveler, he’s going to come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the third reconciliation … I’m sorry, during the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a, a large and moving Torg. And then … with the McKetrick supplicants … excuse me … the giant Sloar … the Shubs and Zuuls knew the Sloar … we beat Medicare.
TRUMP
And the marshmallow man! He let the marshmallow man destroy New York City, folks. I saw it happen. Everyone was saying, “you’ve got to cross the streams, that’s the only way to stop the marshmallow man.” He didn’t want to cross the streams! You had Gozer, the dogs, the marshmallow man and he … “Oh no, don’t cross the streams,” that’s what he said. When I’m back in office, we’re crossing the streams, folks.
BIDEN
The idea that … look, crossing the streams … you’ve got total protonic reversal, you’ve got … molecules exploding at the speed of light. But the swing … I should say, the door swings both ways, and that was the only way … but most of the time, you don’t want to …
TRUMP
“I love this town!” Remember that folks, when the guy says that after they kill the marshmallow and the weird lady? Biden doesn’t love this town. He hates this town. He loves the ghosts, folks. Believe it. But we’re going to be hard on the ghosts like nothing you’ve ever seen. We’re gonna build the biggest ghost trap, and the ghosts are gonna pay for it. And let me tell you, Biden’s going to be soft on Vigo the Carpathian too. He’s not going to stand up to Vigo the Carpathian.
BIDEN
That’s malarkey. You met with Vigo the Carpathian. You supported him … he said he would usher in a season of evil.
TRUMP
It was a beautiful, perfect conversation.
