By Ben R. Williams
Last week, a government spending watchdog group called “Open the Books” released a report that should infuriate every single American.
According to the report, in September 2025, Pete Hegseth’s Department of Defense (also known as the Department of War if you’re a 14-year-old edgelord) spent $93.4 billion dollars. That’s BILLION, not million. $50.1 billion of that amount was spent in the last five working days of the month.
Why all the spending last September? The government’s fiscal year ends at the close of September, and if the Pentagon didn’t spend that money, they would have had to forfeit whatever was left over and see funding reduced the following year.
I think a lot of us have had jobs where we’ve found ourselves in similar situations. You have a grant or an allocation that needs to be spent down so you can get the same funding the following year, so you go ahead and buy that work-related thing you’ve been putting off.
The difference is, for most of us, the work-related thing is a new printer, or maybe a laptop that was manufactured in the last decade.
But how did Hegseth spend nearly one hundred billion dollars? Let’s find out!
The Department of Defense spent:
-$6.9 million on lobster tails
-$2 million on Alaskan king crab legs
-$15.1 million on ribeye steaks
-$1 million on salmon
-$26,000 on sushi preparation tables
-$139,224 on donuts
-$124,000 on ice cream machines (probably more than McDonald’s has ever spent, if I had to guess)
-$225.6 million on furniture, including $12,540 on fruit basket stands (Heaven forefend that our fruit baskets should ever be inadequately supported)
-$98,329 on a Steinway & Sons grand piano for the home of the Air Force Chief of Staff
-$26,000 on a violin
-$21,750 for a custom-designed Japanese luxury flute
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, when you’re paying your taxes this year and realizing that you’re going to have to once again put off that dental surgery you need, just take comfort in knowing that someone, somewhere is enjoying a Miyazawa Cresta series flute on your dime. The satisfaction will surely help dull the constant, throbbing pain.
Look, I get it. The Department of Defense wastes money. It’s been wasting money since long before Trump was elected and it will continue wasting money long after he’s left office, assuming that actually happens and we’re alive to see it.
But never in my life has this kind of reckless, luxurious spending felt so galling.
Why don’t we have universal healthcare in this country? Too expensive, can’t afford it. Why don’t we fight the existential threat of climate change and seriously invest in wind and solar like other countries are doing? Too expensive, can’t afford it. Why don’t we house our homeless veterans? Too expensive, can’t afford it.
But when it comes to war, there’s always money set aside. We’re spending about ten billion dollars per day on our war with Iran, and so far, all we have to show for it is rising prices at the pump and the dawning realization that maybe it wasn’t a great idea to attack a country that controls ten percent of the world petroleum market and has been preparing to get attacked for thirty years.
People are struggling. Groceries are getting more expensive by the day, rent is going up, fuel prices are climbing steadily, and the Big, Beautiful Bill made cuts to Medicaid and SNAP benefits to fund tax breaks for people who assuredly don’t need them.
Meanwhile, the same people who are telling us that we need to learn to save money by avoiding avocado toast and eating organ meats instead of ground beef are using our taxpayer dollars to buy lobster, crab legs, and sushi preparation tables because God forbid Pete Hegseth eat an unagi roll that wasn’t hand-crafted on a purpose-built table to his exacting specifications.
Our government is sending us a message, and it has never been clearer: whether at home or abroad, we can’t possibly afford to help people, but we have all the money in the world to hurt them.
