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Horrific accident leaves Millennial financially secure

By BEN R. WILLIAMS

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December 26, 2024
in Ben Williams
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Tyler Mitchell, 40, was in a rough place. He was working long hours at a job he hated. His credit card debt was growing every pay period. He hadn’t been able to afford to see a doctor or a dentist in years.

BEN R. WILLIAMS

But then, one day, Mitchell finally received a lucky break.

“There I was, standing in the pharmacy section of a big box store trying to find the cheapest aspirin,” Mitchell said. “Suddenly, a wall shelving unit collapsed and fell on me, pulverizing my body.”

Immediately, Mitchell realized his ship had come in.

“As I lay there, my vision began closing to a pinpoint and I could see a bright white light and hear my dead loved ones beckoning me,” Mitchell said. “But I knew it wasn’t my time. Because I knew if I could manage to survive this, I would have an extremely lucrative lawsuit on my hands.”

After being airlifted to the hospital, surgeons worked around the clock for two straight days to stabilize Mitchell. When he finally awakened, he was in for a shock. 

“I looked down and I couldn’t see my body,” Mitchell said. “It turns out they couldn’t save it. I was just a head resting on a pillow. There’s never been another case like it. And my first thought was, you know, I’ve gotta be looking at 10 million, maybe 20 million easy.”

“It was awesome,” he added.

Representatives from the retail store where the accident occurred came by Mitchell’s hospital room constantly as he recuperated over the following weeks, trying to get him to sign various legal documents. 

“As soon as they tried to shove the pen in my mouth, I’d tell them to go kick rocks,” he said. “I was holding out for the real payday.”

Mitchell’s personal injury attorney Rodney Warburton said that he was happy to take on the case. 

“After some investigation, it turned out that the retailer had not properly affixed the mounting screws that were supposed to hold the shelving unit to the wall,” Warburton said. “This meant that the blame was entirely on the retailer and that Mr. Mitchell was due a substantial amount of money for his medical bills and his pain and suffering. He basically won the Powerball. I’m so happy for him.”

Mitchell eventually won $50 million in court, about half of which went to his medical expenses. He has wisely invested the remainder — although he did set aside some money to splurge a bit.

“I bought a really cool battery-powered skateboard with a harness that fits my head perfectly so I can get around,” Mitchell said. “I control it by blinking. Also, I had a bunch of ramps installed around the house. There’s even a loop-de-loop that gets me into the bathtub in style.”

For Mitchell, his horrific accident serves as a constant reminder that no matter how dark the world gets, opportunity might just be lurking around the corner. 

“A year ago, it was sometimes difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel” he said. “But now I finally know what it’s like to feel financially secure and perfectly content, to not have to worry about being bankrupted or becoming homeless. I acknowledge that I’m extremely lucky compared to most members of my generation. I may be a head on a skateboard, but you’ll never meet a man that stands taller.”

There may even be wedding bells in Mitchell’s future. After his accident, he met his girlfriend Maria Aguilar, who was reduced to nothing but a pair of legs after being struck by a Bentley Continental driven by a drunk pro basketball player. 

“I met up with Tyler and his new girlfriend for lunch recently,” said Warburton. “To my surprise, they walked into the restaurant together, his head perched on top of her legs. And I thought to myself, ‘I’ve never seen a happier abomination in my life.’”

 

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