By Holly Kozelsky
When I was the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, I did things this way.
And I did things that way.
And my employees loved it.
I had the happiest, most productive employees ever, and I am going to institute those methods to make you happy also.
I see that our Kozy Krafts Klub has gotten lax on following its bylaws. Didn’t you see Part B Section 4 Subsection 42?
No?
Well that explains why some of you, Ethel and Jeannie, did not follow protocol in regards to recommending new members. There is an 8-step process to that.
What? The rules had become slightly loosened during the pandemic because you all were doing the best you could?
Well, as you know, the pandemic ended four years ago. And during that time I was the CEO of a Fortune 500 company – have I mentioned that? We continued to follow all of our procedures and did not loosen up on protocol.
Also, what is this with filing committee reports? Some are in AP Style, some are The Chicago Manual of Style and another was in MLA. And what is this – AP Style or APA style, Cheryl? Let us all be consistent and adapt to the Dreyer’s English.
What? You’ve never heard of Dreyer’s English? It’s from Random House!
Of course, that’s everyone except for Beulah, who didn’t send in an advance committee report.
It was in the email I sent out! I told everyone to email me their committee reports because no one wants to listen to all that talking.
From now on let’s make sure everyone reads and follows my emails. I sent a lot of emails when I was the CEO of a Fortune 500 corporation. All of my underlings loved getting my emails. Have I mentioned that to you?
Now, on to an important matter.
The last two programs were not structured enough. Yes of course they were fun, if you like that sort of thing, but there should have been a PowerPoint presentation given to guide the audience, and handouts for their future reference. Matilda, can I could on your program committee to do that?
What? You don’t know how to use PowerPoint?
Oh my, how did the club ever make it this far? What’s the next program topic? “Twenty Embroidery Stitches You May Never Have Thought About But Will Wonder How You Ever Did Without”?
Let’s change that topic to “PowerPoint 101,” so everyone is up to speed. Will you need help with that, Matilda?
I know all of the ways to make this a much better and more efficient and organized club. You are going to have the best year this year that you have ever had.
Wait … what? Where are you all going?
I’m not done!
