By BEN R. WILLIAMS
PLEASE NOTE: Due to print deadlines, I wrote this column on Monday, Nov. 2, the night before the Presidential election. As a result, I had to use my best judgment to predict what would happen. However, I think I’ve really nailed how this thing is going to shake out, as I’m sure you’ll agree when you read this column. Enjoy!
Well folks, that sure was an election day, wasn’t it? Election day is normally pretty boring, and this year was no exception. Years from now, I’m sure we’ll all look back fondly on the pleasant conversations we had with our neighbors as we stood in line to vote; of course, they were pretty short conversations given the fast-moving lines! Yes, voting is indeed our most important right as Americans, and we’re fortunate that our elected leaders do everything they can to make sure every eligible voter has a quick and painless path to casting their ballot.
Of course, at the end of the day, we all wanted to know who won. But within hours of the polls closing, the answer was obvious:
IF JOE BIDEN WON, SKIP TO “A”
IF DONALD TRUMP WON, SKIP TO “B”
A: JOE BIDEN WON
Yes, Joe Biden won the Presidential election. I know some folks out there are pretty disappointed — folks such as Donald Trump.
However, I think you’ll agree that his concession speech was truly one for the ages, setting both an example of what it means to be President and also an example of what it means to be an American.
When Trump said he was “obviously disappointed” in the results … well, who could argue with that? But it was what followed that truly left a lasting impact.
“Political differences aside, Joe Biden is a good man,” Trump said. “But the American people have made their choice, and far be it from me to cast any doubt on the results of our nation’s most important tradition. Tonight was not a defeat; it was a choice, and as I move forward as a private citizen, I will continue to do all I can to uphold the ideals this great nation was founded upon.”
“After all,” Donald Trump continued, “we must remember the famous Latin phrase: ‘Astra inclinant, sed non obligant,’ which means that ‘the stars incline us, they do not bind us.’ While I may have lost the election, my future is not set in stone, and I will endeavor to follow a path my supporters can take pride in.”
When asked what his plans were for the coming months before Biden assumes the Presidency Jan. 20, Trump surely comforted both his supporters and detractors alike when he said his main goals were keeping a steady hand on the tiller and ensuring a peaceful transfer of power.
“And of course,” he added, “just like my predecessors, I will soon be writing a letter to Joe Biden which he will find in the top drawer of the Resolute Desk. Everyone can use a few friendly pointers on this job, and I know I’ve certainly learned a lot about the awe-inspiring responsibility that comes with this position.”
B: DONALD TRUMP WON
Yes, Donald Trump won the Presidential election. I know some folks out there are pretty disappointed — folks such as Joe Biden.
However, I think you’ll agree that Donald Trump’s victory speech was truly one for the ages, setting both an example of what it means to be President and also an example of what it means to be an American.
When Trump said he was “obviously pleased” with the results … well, who could argue with that? But it was what followed that truly left a lasting impact.
“This is a time for celebration,” Donald Trump said, “but it is not a time for gloating. Joe Biden’s a fine man, and he ran a fine campaign. I wish him the best.”
When asked what message he had for those Americans who did not vote for him, Donald Trump uttered his famous infectious laugh.
“I know many Americans believe I’ve made a few mistakes along the way,” Trump said. “But did not George Bernard Shaw write, ‘A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing?’ The meaning is clear; by trying, we inevitably must make mistakes. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve made a few mistakes along the way, but I’ve certainly learned from them.”
“To those who did not support me,” Trump continued, “rest assured, I will still be your President. A President is a leader for all Americans, not only those who support him. And let me be clear; the time for sowing division is past. It’s time we come together. If any man claims that one American has less value than another, why, I won’t even dignify the fellow with a response.”
When asked what the next four years will hold, Trump offered a characteristically clear answer:
“Peace and quiet,” he said. “Just as with previous administrations, you’ll be able to go days, even weeks at a time without thinking about the President.”
