Since late July, the world has watched Alex Jones take the stand in court, defending himself against defamation charges.
For those unfamiliar, Jones is the far-right conspiracy theorist who hosts The Alex Jones Show and runs the website InfoWars. Over the years, he has told his followers that the government is withholding information about the 1969 moon landing, the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing, 9/11, and more.
The civil cases against Jones, however, all stem from his insistence that the 2012 Sandy Hook school shooting, which claimed the lives of 20 young children and six staffers at the school, was a “false flag” operation by gun control advocates. Jones believes that the entire shooting was a fake event designed to pass laws that would take away guns, which definitely hasn’t happened in the decade since the massacre, but I guess these things take time.
On his various programs, Jones claimed that “no one died” at Sandy Hook, and that the horrible massacre of children aged 6-7 was “staged.”
The grieving parents of these children, Jones insisted, were “crisis actors.” They weren’t actually heartbroken parents, just actors pretending to be sad so they could rake in millions from gun control advocates.
All of this led to these grieving parents being harassed by Jones’ followers. Neil Heslin and Scarlett Lewis, parents of Sandy Hook victim Jesse Lewis, said Jones’ conspiracy theorist fans even opened fire on their house and car, which was a big part of the reason they were suing Jones for defamation.
I’ve been watching the trials of Alex Jones, and I’ve seen him take the stand and deny all of his old conspiracy theories. And every time I see Alex Jones sitting in the witness box, there’s only one thought on my mind:
That man isn’t the real Alex Jones.
I’ve seen Alex Jones. This grotesque, sweating schlub is no Alex Jones. He looks like a wino ate Alex Jones and then caught the flu. He’s utterly pathetic.
I mean, just look at him. Alex Jones is only 48 years old! This guy has to be in his late 50s, and even then, it’s a BAD late 50s. His voice sounds like he’s been gargling sulfuric acid. His giant, fat face is all sweaty and ruddy. He looks like he buys suits from a German sausage casing manufacturer. THIS is the guy who leads an army of conspiracy theorists? What a joke.
And this fake actor playing Alex Jones has NO charisma. He certainly doesn’t have the strength of his convictions. The REAL Alex Jones spent a decade harassing the families of the Sandy Hook victims, but the second this fake Alex Jones gets on the stand, it’s all “boo hoo hoo, I take it all back, I’m so sowwy.” What a pathetic little diaper baby.
And THEN, ladies and gentlemen, we’re to believe that Alex Jones’ attorneys ACCIDENTALLY sent the entire contents of his cell phone to the opposing counsel? As though any semi-competent attorney would EVER make such an egregious mistake? I’m sorry, but I don’t believe a word of it. This script has some serious plot holes.
There’s not a doubt in my mind that the real Alex Jones is sitting on a beach in Rio de Janeiro, drinking a cold caipirinha and mopping his brow with $100 bills, laughing at all the suckers in the States who actually believe he’s in a Texas courtroom.
There’s no telling how these sham civil trials will pan out, but whatever happens, I’m sure the REAL Alex Jones will be laughing all the way to the bank.
As for the fate of this crisis actor pretending to be Alex Jones, I hope he ends up getting the lethal injection. Sure, it seems unlikely a civil trial would result in capital punishment, but after what this bloated liar has done to the public trust, it’s exactly what he deserves.
