Just get your significant other to figure out what your love language is, and get him or her convinced they need to do better in it (good luck with that), and your love tank will fill right up.
I read Dr. Gary Chapman’s book “The 5 Love Languages” after I saw a sign outside the Martinsville Branch Library saying that that book was the topic of “Book Talk Tuesday” from 5-6 p.m. Sept. 23. I figured it would make a good column as well as a good book talk.
I got the book, like you can, over the Libby library app on my phone. You also could do it the old-fashioned way and go to the library to get an actual copy.
In the book, Dr. Chapman he explains that there are five different ways people communicate love – how they feel they are loved, and how they show love:
- Acts of Service – You feel loved when someone does things for you
- Receiving Gifts – Receiving a heartfelt gift makes you feel loved
- Quality Time – You feel secure in love and appreciated when the other person gives you undivided attention
- Words of Affirmation – You feel loved when you are told that you are loved
- Physical Touch – Nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate physical touch (that’s more than just plain enjoying sex, Dr. Chapman explains, because sex is a natural and common human urge that nearly everyone has, love or not. It means other kinds of touching, such as holding hands, cuddling, etc.).
As I was reading the book, each time I got to a new chapter describing the Love Language, I was convinced: Oh, that’s me! I have no idea how to narrow it down.
Yes, I definitely feel loved when I am helped and supported and treated with acts of service. That is my style. Oh, wait, quality time – that’s what I need – quality time is my Love Language. Oh, hold on, it’s the physical touch that’s the big deal. Yes, I always love to have my hand held, run my hands up and down his arm, have his arm around me. That’s the one it is.
Frankly, the only Love Language that doesn’t interest me all that much is the gifts. And that might be because I’m old enough to have received all I need by now anyway.
And if I need the love languages to fill my love tank fuller, how I do I get my fella to read that book and get right with the program? I can just imagine his reaction to my making the suggestion: “Well, what do you want me to do?” he’d mean that in a nice way: He just wants me to get to the point and not launch into a long, rambling talk about it and he certainly would not have to read a book about it. He’s thinking that was silly. I would just need to be quick and specific: Do I want him to hold my hand while we’re walking the grocery aisle at the Food Lion? Or give me a back rub now and then? Or is my kitchen sink leaking and need to be fixed?
Meanwhile, I’ve got a handle on his love language, which isn’t in the book.
It’s fishing.
To show his love for me, my fellow bought me a very fancy important fishing pole. It was so fancy he had to explain to me what kind of fishing pole it is and why it’s so special.
By the same token, me showing my love to him would be to go with him fishing and, if I’m really feeling romantic and wanting to emphasize how very much I love him, I would stay home and send him out fishing with his buddies instead.
I am writing this with a fishing show playing on TV. He is avidly watching the fishing show. He turned the channel to that after we watched a couple of episodes of “The Paper,” the new show on Peacock about working at a newspaper, in the style of the popular TV show “The Office,” which of course was my viewing choice.
I turned to him and asked if he remembers which fishing pole is mine, since it’s been a couple of years since he bought it for me and I figured it just got grouped up in with his fishing gear because of course I didn’t bring it home to my house.
“Yeah,” he said. “It’s the black one.
“But you can use any of those fishing poles in there,” he concluded, giving me a smile full of love and generosity.
Well, there you have it right there: He loves me, as demonstrated in his own love language.
All joking aside, the book does get you to thinking, and to figuring things out, and the talk at the library should be quite interesting. The flyer states:
“The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman is often presented in the context of romantic relationships. However, its core idea applies to everyone, regardless of age, gender, or relationship type. We will discuss how this book can help with the following:
- Understanding that everyone gives and receives love differently
- How to build better communication & resolve misunderstandings
- Fostering emotional intelligence
- Interpersonal relationships
Call the Martinsville library to register – 276-403-5430. Remember, the talk is from 5-6 p.m. Sept. 23.
